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Monday, August 6, 2012

The wife plays poker... and I'm on tilt. The two statements are not related.

Ah, so this particular Sunday, the wife and I decided to pop out to the late session at our local dive bar for some free bar poker. Usually, this means I go busto, she roaches her way to the final table, gets on a heater and crushes fools to a win. This time, not so much...

Not a whole lot happens early. Two notable hands.

-I pickup twoblackaces against an UTG and UTG+1 limper at 100/200 and raise to 900 in the hijack seven handed. UTG calls.
Flop KJT and UTG leads 500, I call b/c when am I getting called with a worse hand when I raise?
Turn blank, we go check check.
River blank, UTG leads 500 and I decide to thinly valueraise to 1500 b/c I'm 100% sure I'm in front. I get snapcalled by J4 and the aces are good.  LOLOL.

-The wife is on my right and limps behind an EP limper at 100/200 a few hands later. I raise with AcJc on the button to 800 and only she calls.
Flop AKT all spades, and Jenn instantly leads for 1500.
I snap fold and show. Probably too tight, but I really didn't think she was screwing around with me. Even if I'm right, she has to have a spade and a live kicker, or can beat TP, and I'm probably going to have to put it in the middle to find out.
She tells me later she had A2 with the 2 of spades. I don't think that's right, but w/e. I had a feeling and didn't want to flip stacks with my wife at a free MTT, go figure. I probably play that completely differently against anyone else.

Anyway, I start building a stack in my usual workman-like fashion, coupled with getting lucky at the same time.

- UTG limps, - he's a noob but knows a couple of the really good players, so he probably is better than the average bear - and a couple other momos limp behind at 200/400. I check A9o in the big blind. Four to the flop.
Flop 942 with a flush draw. I check, UTG leads 600, MP flats, Jenn also calls, and I decide to pop it to 2600 to clear out all the draws.
UTG flats (oops) and everyone else folds. Despite the alarm bells, I decide to shove on non-flush turns.
Turn is a nine ball, ding. I quickly jam anyway, UTG tank calls with 42o (srsly? on that turn?), and I hold up.

Jenn tells me she folded the case nine. I run goot sometimes.

- A few hands later Jenn jams on the button for 4800 after a raise to 1200 and a couple of callers behind. Initial raiser tank calls with 88, but Jenn's KQo gets there on the river. I like that :-) If he's tank calling with 88 he's folding a lot of hands you need him to fold.
So now that she has a stack, someone in front of her minraises to 800, she makes it 2K and I look down at AKo. Fuck. If I flat, a bunch of other donks come along guaranteed. If I raise, she's only putting in more chips with a better hand.
I make it 5K, all fold, but she flats.  FML.
Flop Axx. OK, that's fine. She jams, I instacall, she shows TT and I fade the two outer to bust the Jenn. I'm so dirty. But, now I've got over 25K and I'm starting to build like I usually do. Whee!.

Except I have a nemesis on my left. One of the women from this post - the odd one that flats everything preflop.  She comes to the table with a bunch of chips too, and I start thinking to myself, one of us is going to end up with the other's stack. Wonderful.

Anyhow, every hand I open, she flats and tries to outplay me or something. I raise A8s, flop second pair, play it careful and hold up vs. a junk flopped draw. I raise 33, I make a flush by the river but her 66 makes a four flush as well and I check/call/donate to a small river bet.

She acts really dippy and silly, but I know she plays enough - and I've had enough conversation with her - that she's not a dumb as she acts, it's more of a hamhanded flirty/silly persona (Jenn later asks if she meant to be that flirty with me with my wife sitting right there across from her - and I'm like, yeah, that's her thing...) Put it this way - when one of the LAGs at the table gets a bet/fold on a rag board and only shows one card, top pair - she asked to see the kicker. Dingbats don't usually do that in a friendly free game - either it's a tactic or she's REALLYREALLY silly.

So finally the hand comes up after the break. UTG limps at 500/1000, I decide to call on the button with KcTc and a 23.5K stack, blinds come along.
Flop Kh9c3c. Well, that's pretty nice. Flop checks to me, I bet 2500 into 4000, only she calls in the small blind, all fold.
Turn Th. Well, that's a pretty good card. I'm behind a set, but still have pretty good equity against almost any holding. She checks, I bet 7K into a 9K pot and she tank calls. Ok, she has a flush draw or a rag king at this rate.
River 3h. Ok, that's NOT a good card. Junk KJ/KQ hands just boned me and the flush got there obviously. She checks, I decide to shove my last 13K into the 23K pot, which is just about the rest of her stack give or take 3K.

Now, it's really hard to find a hand that she can call me with there that I can beat, obviously... T9, K9 - but when I've put almost half my stack in the middle already, checking behind afraid of what she's got feels really, really weak. So I stuck it in and let her figure out what to do with her hand. Probably my only real mistake of the hand - preflop is debatable, but if I raise light in position I am guaranteed to get multiple callers - so I like to do that with a polarized range and flat my medium hands with a positional advantage... probably stupid, but anyway...

After I shove, she hems and haws, asks how much it is, 10K or 13K... OMG it's almost all of my chips... and then finally calls... and then rolls over Ah6h for the runner runner nut flush. So I got floated out of position by Ace high nopair nodraw on the flop, she check/called off some more on the turn with just the naked flush draw without odds to continue, and then she slowrolled the effective nuts on the river.

If Jenn wasn't there, I might have really exploded.

Not because she got there - I mean, by the river, I'm vulnerable to a lot of hands, I'm hardly ever getting called by a worse hand - but because I got tank nitrolled by someone who should have just SNAPCALLED WITH THE NUT FLUSH BECAUSE I NEVER EVER HAVE A BOAT AND EVEN IF I DO YOU SPEWED HALF YOUR STACK OUT OF POSITION TO HIT SO JUST CALL OFF ANYWAY IN A REASONABLY QUICK FASHION AND IF I'M FULL THAT'S JUST POKER.

"It took you that long to call with a flush? You put half your stack in on the turn hoping to get there?"
"I'msorrydon'tbemadIdidn'tknowwhatyouhad boiawer;gonaodnaiusdhgiawhfgihawri"

I quit paying attention after that. I just walked over the where Jenn was sitting, we finished our beers, paid the tab and took off for home.

So really, either I run horribad or am not smart enough to just check behind when silly draws get there. I'm not sure if this means there's still a ton on money in poker - or if it means I'm just bound to get pwned by people who play terribad but know I will pay off if they get there, so it's worth it to do so.

Or, I could just follow the wife's advice:

"Do you really think they're actually thinking about the same things you do when you play them?"

And that's probably the best advice ever. Which is why I married her, after all.